Week of 2/23/15

Time to get a boner to this sentence (submitted by an avid reader of this blog):
"The languid boys of Tent Eighty-Six slept like perfect angels; soon, their bodies would succumb to the poison dust."

TIME TO BONER (TTB): 7 minutes, 18 seconds
BONER INTENSITY: 7.8
DISCOVERIES: First off - I'm a visual guy, so I'm certainly not (easily) getting a boner to words on the screen.  I have to use my imagination.  I started out picturing the scenario, but found this disturbing and not at all boner inducing.  Eventually, I began putting myself into the situation described in the sensation.  Embracing the peaceful grasp of death.  Slipping into the deepest sleep ever - the endless sleep.  And everyone knows: the deeper the sleep, the bigger the boner.  And voila!  Dick raised.
WOULD I DO IT AGAIN: This particular sentence, no.  But it's certainly an interesting exercise to take one out of context idea and apply it to a sexual endeavor.  I'll try that again.

Week of 2/16/15

McDonaldland Throwdown Part 2!

Following last weeks throwdown, this week I'll be examining CosMc and Mayor McCheese.

CosMc
Time to Boner (TTB): 4 minutes, 44 seconds
Boner Intenstiy: 6.0
Discoveries: A being with that many hands can presumably create a decent amount of joy.  In the end, there was something a little childish, and masculine about CosMc which pushed my TTB up.

Mayor McCheese
TTB: 5 minutes, 2 seconds
Boner Intensity: 5.8
Discoveries: Mayor McCheese is wearing men's clothing, which caused some problems early on.  Once I envisioned a nude being with a hamburger for a head, that's when the boner really started coming in.  At the end of the day, there's something off putting about a hamburger headed beast simply because cannibalism comes with the territory.

Verdict: CosMc narrowly wins this round, but the grand winner is Grimace!

Week of 2/9/15

McDonaldland throwdown!

Back to back days I picked a character from McDonaldland in round one of my McDonaldland throwdown.  Today I will reveal who is the more boner-inducing mascot - Grimace, or Birdie the Early Bird.

Grimace
TIME TO BONER (TTB): 3 minutes, 38 seconds
BONER INTENSITY: 5.88
DISCOVERIES:  Soft, cuddly, big mouth...what's not to love.  I'm just going to assume Grimace is gender neutral so I don't feel weird about this short TTB.

Birdie the Early Bird
TTB: 6 minutes, 3 seconds
BONER INTENSITY: 5.6
DISCOVERIES: I don't know if the pigtails or what, but Birdie is a little young looking, no?  Kinda creeped me out.

VERDICT: Grimace in a landslide!

Join me next time for part 2: CosMc vs. Mayor McCheese!

Week of 2/2/15

Women's Pizza Costume was the search term du jour.  Probably the biggest issue was weeding out all the irrelevant pictures, but once I found the right ones to focus on, this was a snap.

Obviously you can't tell the gender of the last pic here, but I just rolled by on the glory hole principle - if you think it's a girl, for all intents and purposes, it's a girl.

TIME TO BONER (TTB): 1 minute, 57 seconds

BONER INTENSITY: 8.8

DISCOVERIES: Well this is a rabbit hole I'm a little scared to go down... Things didn't go so well for George on Seinfeld when he mixed sex and food, and based on my short TTB and strong intensity, I may already be hooked.  Furry+foodie=boner.

WOULD I DO IT AGAIN: Yup.