Week of 3.23.15

It's March Madness, and that can only mean one thing...BRACKETS!!!

This week we'll take a look at the West portion of our bracket, also known as the "Bigfoot Bracket".  That's right folks, it's time for



SASQUATCH VS YETI!!!!

Vital stats:

Sasquatch
Habitat: North American Pacific Northwest
Nickname: Bigfoot
Height: 6'10"
Weight: 500 lbs

Yeti
Habitat: Tibet/Nepal
Nickname: The Abominable Snowman
Height: 6'0"
Weight ???

A note on this challenge:
When finding images, to avoid sasquatch-yeti mixups because of their similarities, I performed an advanced google search, looking "Sasquatch" with no mention of Yeti, and vice versa.


RESULTS:
Sasquatch TTB: 12 minutes, 19 seconds
Sasquatch Boner Intensity: 4.8
Yeti TTB: 8 minutes, 45 seconds
Yeti Boner Intensity: 5.1

Yeti wins!! For whatever reason, Sasquatch seems much more masculine to me.  Also, if you're with a Yeti...you do what you gotta do to keep warm.

Week of 3.16.15

Pitch black.  If you turn all the lights out in my room, it's pitch black.  No daylight, no ambient light, no light at all.
Here's an example:

I decided to sit on the edge of my bed in complete darkness, and get a boner.

TIME TO BONER (TTB): 1 hour, 32 minutes, 18 seconds
BONER INTENSITY: 6.8
DISCOVERIES: I willed myself to relax.  Let myself become consumed with the darkness - allowing the cool air to touch my flesh.  The world is nothing but possibilities in the dark.

Then I fell asleep for about an hour and a half.

Upon waking (and checking to see that - yes, my stopwatch was still running, momentarily breaking the darkness), I quickly cursed and became fully awake.

I willed myself to relax.  Let myself become consumed with the darkness - allowing the cool air to touch my flesh.  The world is nothing but possibilities in the dark.  It took about 30 seconds to get a boner this time...

Week of 3/9/15 (barely)

Being the generous soul that I am, I figured I would follow up last week's office themed boner with a deep, personal look at my morning commute.

Here's a couple of snapshots to give you an idea.

TIME TO BONER (TTB): 4 minutes, 22 seconds
BONER INTENSITY: 4.9. 4.9x1.3 (1.3 is the pants boner reduction coefficient) = 6.37
DISCOVERIES: I've got a couple of things working for me here.  First,the vibration of the car is a nice boner aid.  Next, it being early in the morning, before my first coffee, my body is still relaxed and tired, which helps with the short TTB.
The main strategy here is to embrace the essence of a morning commute - a slow, sad march to hours of soul-crushing employment.  One must embrace the idea that this is your last chance to enjoy oneself, the last taste of freedom, for hours.
AND THEN, SHIT, I SAW A HOME DEPOT, AND I THOUGHT ABOUT THE SMELL OF FRESH PINE AND I TOTALLY POPPED SOME WOOD IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WOULD I DO IT AGAIN: Probably tomorrow.

Week of 3/2/15

It's a little after 2 in the afternoon.  I'm sitting in my cubicle at work.  I'm bored.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Things I can see while sitting in my cube. This being the internet I'm refraining from posting an actual picture from my POV, lest some fan identify me.  This should give you a pretty good idea though:

I'm tucked away in a back corner so I can't see any people unless they come to me.

STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS:
Man this is gonna be hard with pants and boxers on.
I could totally fuck the hole in my monitor stand.
Like, it would probably feel pretty good.
Andrea's voice is actually pretty hot.
SHIT SOMEONE'S COMING!!!
   "Hey Meg"
   "Hey *****, did you get a chance to look at that email I sent you, it...
           (hey I can see meg, so she's fair game. But she's like, sixty. And short. And fat. But she's nice...ya I'd probably fuck her)
   "... What do you think?"
   "Uhhhh...let me look into it and I'll email        you."
That was awkward.
I bet I could fuck my phone.
BONER.

TIME TO BONER (TTB):: 4 minutes, 43 seconds

BONER INTENSITY: 5.2. 5.2x1.3 (1.3 is the pants boner reduction coefficient) = 6.76

WOULD I DO IT AGAIN: If I never get a boner in my cubicle again, I will be a sad, sad man.